I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sarcasm needs its own font
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
