I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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