At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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