Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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