how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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