There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
