i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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