the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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