I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
