just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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