its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
