i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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