I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
