I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
