My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
