His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
