I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
