Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
