Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
