I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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