He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
