i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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