cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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