i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
