Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
