I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
