If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
