goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
