Tell her she can't have a vagina
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
