Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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