ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
