Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
