She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
