im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
