i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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