I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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