definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We're too hungover to prance.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
