we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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