I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
