Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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