Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
