sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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