i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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