i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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