a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
