Princesses don't give blow jobs
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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