my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
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Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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