his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
