took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
