I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
