IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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