I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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