youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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