Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How external is "for external use only"?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
