hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
