Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
