I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
