do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
