You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
