I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
