when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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