So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
