Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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