You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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