She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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