let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
