I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
