Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
