apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize