A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
