I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
