you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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