well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
