I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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