I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
