seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
