so explain again why im purple
no
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
