No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
