Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
