i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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