the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
