dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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