In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
