Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
