Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
