Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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