the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
that is very illegal...i love you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
