im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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