Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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