bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
