he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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